DNA Testing. Secrets and Shame.

A Journey Into Lies and Deceit

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!

Sir Walter Scott

Truth and honesty are not synonymous with my family. At my age, you wouldn’t think this would be a surprise to me anymore. Yet, here I am even more baffled by the information I continue to find.

My husband and I thought it would be fun to do some of these DNA testing kits. We both did 23andme and I also did Ancestory’s test. For 23andme, I did the expanded health DNA test. Quickly, I found it accurate, as it stated that I had gluten issues before I even had the health test completed, which found the same results. The fun just didn’t end there. Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?

It started out as a fun thing to do. You see my husband is always touting just how Italian he is. His dad takes it to the next level. Talking to him, you’d think he invented being Italian. I always joked with my husband that no one could be that much of 1 nationality. After all, he and his parents were born in the USA. So by birth, he is an American first. This test was going to prove me correct, or so I thought!

Let’s get to the results. My husband is around 86% Italian. Get out! I asked what in the hell did your family do for centuries? Inbreed?! I was baffled that someone could be that high of a percentage of one nationality. Me, I am a mixed breed for sure. Then the secrets began coming out while we wandered those 2 sites.

We both had family secrets to uncover. We found out my husband’s mother had been married before. Even found a bridal photo from her first marriage in a newspaper clipping. We found out my maternal grandmother had not died as my mom’s dad had told her. He told my mom she remarried and not long after committed suicide. This was nowhere near the truth. My mom also, for some reason believed she had another sibling or half-sibling. Altho, I have not found that answer yet, I do believe it to be true. The last name of my maternal grandmother’s 2nd husband is a name in my family tree, that could only have continued if they had at least one biological child together, most likely a son.

Then comes the shame. I get a message from one of the sites asking about my uncle. They wanted to know how I was related to my uncle. Then I see our match. This person is a first cousin. WHAT? HOW? Only one sibling from either of my parents had any children. My dad’s oldest brother had 3 children to be specific. This was the same uncle this person was questioning me about. We messaged back and forth for a couple of hours and then we decided to talk by phone.

There is a 20-something age difference between this newly found cousin and myself, my brothers, and my uncle’s other kids. He is much younger. He tells me, that he is my uncle’s son. A son, that no one in my family knew existed. I am utterly disgusted by what I was learning. My uncle owned his own company as an electrician in Detroit. He and his wife knew each other growing up in West Virginia. From age 12 they were inseparable. They have 3 adult children. They lived the picture-perfect life, in the perfect house, and did whatever they wanted, because they could afford it. My uncle is in his 80s now and his wife passed away a few years ago. But, I remember how they always thought they were so superior to everyone else in the family.

As it turns out, my uncle had an affinity for acting like he was going to work, but instead, he would cruise by the schools as kids were going to and from school. Mind you in this case, he would have been in his 50’s. He found a young girl and had a disturbing sexual relationship with her. She was somewhere between 12-14 years old. I have been told, she wasn’t the only girl and there could be other kids that have come from his disgusting activities. But, since I haven’t met any others I will talk about this one. My new cousin told me growing up he met my uncle once or twice and saw his house from a distance. He told me he didn’t want anything, only to learn more about him. He wondered if he was still alive and if maybe he could talk with him.

So, I told him that I would try to contact him and see what he says. I don’t talk to my uncle or my cousins due to the way they treated other family members. So, I located them on social media, asking if they could contact me. I asked my older brother to talk to our uncle since I knew they still talked. What I got was a wall of nothing. No replies. My brother said to leave it be. Finally, a cousin’s wife messaged me and said she would talk to her husband, but they weren’t talking to my uncle or his siblings and they didn’t want to be involved in whatever his dad did. Then I never heard from her again. Out of the blue, I got a call from one of my other cousins. She was laughing hysterically, in a disgusted sort of way. She said they always assumed her dad did these things. She was not surprised. She said to “not tell this new cousin how to contact any of them”. She said he can’t have any of our money. And they didn’t want anything to do with him.

I should mention, my new cousin is African American. Yes, he is black. My uncle trolled the poorer Detroit schools and found this girl and paid her for sex on many occasions. I asked my cousin why no one ever did anything about this. She was a child. He told me he often threatened his mom if she said anything. Why didn’t her family do anything? He never supported them and that’s how it was growing up for him.

I was heartbroken for him. I am heartbroken now, that none of them want anything to do with him. To not even know him. To not let him ask any questions. It wasn’t his fault. Lastly, I will add, he did fly back to Detroit and called me on the phone outside my uncle’s house. He was going to go knock on the door and ask to talk to him, he was nervous. I told him to call me back after. He did talk to him and ask questions. It came down to my uncle answering a few questions. Told my cousin it was nice to meet you, but this is where it ends. My uncle said he didn’t want to be in his life and to move on basically.

I have told my new cousin that I would send him any pictures he wants. I will always answer any questions he may have. And I would be proud to be his cousin. We still stay in touch and talk. I will not let the “sins of our fathers” define our relationship. I really wish my nasty, old uncle would be put in jail for what he has done.

We never told my husband’s parents that we know his mom was married before, they like the facade of their life intact. And I am glad my grandmother and aunt have passed away so they never have to deal with what my uncle did. My mom never got to find out her mom was still alive nor ever able to confront her dad about the lies, they are all gone now. Lastly, I await any more surprises that may come from those DNA tests.